I'm thinking of reinventing myself

An issue of the Chidera Peters Dispatch (CPD)

Hello! Lol, I don’t know why I sound excited even though I’m not. This is going to be a short email. The event I had been planning for weeks finally took place on Friday evening, and I couldn’t be more relieved 😮‍💨. As is common with events, some challenges and last-minute changes affected some things, including the railway strike affecting turnout. But I’m grateful to God, it was my first time planning an event of that scale (hundreds of people), and I think I did a great job. What’s left for me to do is the event report, budget reconciliation and payment of pending invoices. But your girl is exhausted, and I really cannot wait for the Christmas break. I NEED IT.

An unrelated photo from 2020

😖 What’s testing me

In other news, it seems I may not be travelling to spend Christmas with my Husband’s family as planned 😕. Once again, I am denied entry into a country simply because of my Nigerian passport. The first time was a study trip to China which I was denied because the Chinese Embassy didn’t grant visas to Nigerian students for that particular trip. I saw this tweet earlier in the week, and it summarises how I presently feel.

Alma Asinobi @almaasinobi

Anyone that says they’re proud to be Nigerian has never had to apply for a visa.

It’s so annoying because I had mentally looked forward to this trip as my break from work and the UK’s cold. I need a change of scenery. Also, I’ve already shopped for this trip, and now I have clothes I cannot wear because of Winter. It sucks for me 😔. I’m trying to stay positive though, like I’m making an intentional effort to see the “redirection” in the No. What’s that quote aspire to perspire people say again👀? Sometimes a no is a redirection 😅. Jokes aside, though, I’m choosing not to allow this denial to make me grumpy or ungrateful.

🤔 What’s on my mind

You know I like to pour out my heart in this dispatch series. So let me let you in on something - I’ve been thinking about reinventing myself in 2023. In case you don’t know what this means, it means creating a new version of yourself by doing new things or charting your life onto a new course. Basically, making changes. And I’m leaning towards the aesthetic side of things like curating my Instagram feed, always ensuring I have makeup on before I come on camera, investing more in how I dress etc. Stuff like that. But even as I type this, I have doubts 😬.

Where’s all this coming from? And at what point do we differentiate between reinventing oneself and trying to fit into a societal standard or trying to be someone else? I’m still searching my heart to determine if I want to reinvent myself because I want to or because I feel like I’m supposed to. I don’t know if you get what I mean. I’ve always prided myself on being real and authentic. Also, I’m usually the least to be worried about appearance. 🌝 Don’t get me wrong, I don’t show up shabby, but I don’t put too much thought into fitting into “the black girl aesthetic” in the UK as most people around me do.

For example, I could show up on my Instagram story with my hair undone in my bathing robe simply because I felt to share in the moment. I feel like putting so much thought into how I show up would hamper my enthusiasm and creativity. But at the same time feel like I could put in some more effort. I don’t know if I’m making sense 😅.

I have only shared this here because writing this email brings up things deep in my mind. So, don’t come @ me in the new year. I didn’t promise any changes. I only said I’m considering it.

What about you? Any plans for the new year? Have you started thinking of what you want to do differently? Do let me know.

Thanks for reading, till same time next week. Oh! Next week Sunday would be Christmas😁. If I have the time, I may put out an email. But in case I don’t, Merry Christmas in advance!

- Chidera