I'm struggling to embrace change

An issue of the Chidera Peters Dispatch (CPD)

Hi, I’m very weak as I type this - physically exhausted, and I can’t tell why. Today started off like any other day. We went to church and made a few stops to get some Christmas decor. We finally decided to bring a little Christmas cheer into our house. We got a Christmas tree which is still in the box, some lights and Christmas bedding items. I would probably shoot a video of us setting the whole thing up, but I do not promise anything😮‍💨.

We enjoyed a lovely lunch after getting home and binge-watched a series. Suddenly I felt sleepy, which is very strange for me because I am not the “siesta type”. I rarely sleep during the day. I woke up from this sleep feeling extremely tired and also foggy mentally. I don’t know if it’s just hormones, but I’m feeling sad, unbothered and irritable simultaneously. I’m trying to figure out why.

Thumbnail for this week’s video, which I never edited

👩🏽‍💻 What I worked on this week

I spent a reasonable amount of time this week securing some more vendors for the end-of-year party I’m planning for the company I work for. This week involved searching for a cocktail and bar hire service, looking for a saxophonist (by the way, if you know any Nigeria/Ghanaian saxophonist in the UK, please let me know 🙏🏾), ordering some marketing materials from flyers to large cheques to branded shirts. I also had many meetings- from unending meetings with the graphic design team to an onboarding meeting for new software I’ll be using to meetings with influencers and other team members. This week was A LOT. In my opinion, event planning is the peak of project management. I also had to do some contingency planning with the DJ for the event, and I honestly cannot wait for this event to happen already. I need to breathe😭.

💡What I’m learning

There’s only one book from my November reading list that I could not read. Then another from my October reading list, which I didn’t read. Then I also got an illustrated book on work-life because the reviews were hilarious. So, for the month of December, I’ll read these three books first before I get any other books. The books are:

1. Steal Like An Artist By Austin Kleon (I’ve already started this)

2. Get Good With Money By Tiffany Aliche

3. How To Make Work Not Suck By Carina Maggar

December reading list

I was supposed to record a book review for the books I read in November earlier in the week, but I didn’t have the time to. Hopefully, I’ll shoot that this week and share it in the next dispatch.

🤔 What’s on my mind

I can’t even lie; there’s a lot on my mind. But before we jump into my web of thoughts, let me first share some good news. I have finally received my new passport from the Nigerian embassy!🥳 My joy knew no bounds when the mail came through yesterday. This thing has been giving me so much anxiety because I have a trip already booked for this December, and without my passport, I can’t make the trip. If you are new here, I applied for an international passport renewal at the Nigerian Embassy in London on the 15th of August. Yes, it took over 3 months for me to get my new passport which according to statistics, is an anomaly, but I’m grateful the passport is in my hands now.

So the first thing on my mind is Christmas. This is the first Christmas I’ll be spending as a wife, and while that in itself isn’t giving me anxiety, I think it’s the change in how I’ve known Christmas to be that’s the worry. I’ve always celebrated Christmas with my family; even when I lived alone, I would travel home for Christmas. In times when I couldn’t, e.g. during my time as an international student here in the UK, I would practise the same Christmas traditions in a bid to feel connected to home and would also spend A LOT of time on the phone with my family, but this year, it would be different.

We wouldn’t be spending Christmas on our own but with Jason’s wider family, and don’t get me wrong; they are really nice people. It’s just the feeling of Christmas being different this year. Also, let’s not forget that there’s a huge cultural difference between me being Nigerian and my new family being Ghanaian. I’m so used to celebrating Christmas a certain way that now that it’s changing, I’m struggling to stay excited. I’m a huge lover of the Christmas season, everything excites me, from the music to the movies (all with the same storyline 😂) to the traditions etc., but this year, the more I think about Christmas, the less excited I am. But I’m hoping this feeling passes soon.

The next thing on my mind is my lack of motivation to show up on Youtube. I shot a video on Friday morning to upload today but did not edit it. I just didn’t feel like it. This will be the second time in a row that I’ve shot a video without editing it. Been asking myself why I don’t have the motivation or enthusiasm to edit these videos. Is it because I’m scared to work hard on a video and put it out there only to watch it flop?🤔 I don’t know what it is, but my motivation for youtube is zero.

This is a rather long email; please forgive me. I’ll stop here. Please drink lots of water and stay hydrated. See you same time next week!

✍🏽 Quote of the week

Whatever you obtain by seeking God can only be sustained by continually seeking him.