Are you comfortable receiving?
An issue of the Chidera Peters Dispatch (CPD)
Okay, I'll be honest with you. I am not in the mood to write this email😩. I am only doing this out of respect for the habit I built and the fact that you probably expected my email. And this is because I travelled yesterday - made a three-hour trip to and fro and I'm knackered. However, I am grateful that you chose to open and read this email - thank you♥️.
I have had a super eventful week, so let's dive in. My skin was pricked by needles a couple of times this week. I did two blood tests this week, and my needle phobia didn't help. First, I did the fertility and hormone test, which I mentioned in a previous email. It's a home-based test, so I had to prick my hand with a device they provided and dispense blood from my finger into a test tube. It did hurt. I cried. I screamed, and my husband wondered if it was the same pain he had felt. To encourage me to prick my skin, my husband used one of the devices to prick his thumb to "do it with me" and experience it first to see if it was painful before I did. Bless him✨. He did it and didn't flinch. Saying it didn't hurt much and it was a little pain. So you can imagine my shock when I pricked my skin and felt an intense pain in my finger😩. For context, my pain threshold is -0.000000001. I don't like pain.🙅🏽♀️
The second time a needle pricked my skin was when I went to the hospital for a blood test to check my sugar levels. As explained in my previous emails, PCOS predisposes one to prediabetes and insulin resistance. So I got the test done to check if everything was okay with my blood sugar. And once again, I created a scene. I'm not proud to say this, but it took three nurses + my husband to get blood drawn from my arm😮💨. Because I wouldn't sit still, two nurses had to stand in front of me, guiding me to breathe and distracting me from the syringe going into my arm while my husband held my hand and the other nurse drew blood out. It's embarrassing, I KNOW😭. Needles scare the life out of me.
I did something I'm proud of this week.
I had super busy days, the type that you need to remember to eat lunch or eat lunch at your desk and sit at your desk till 7 pm (which is not a flex, I’m working on this), and this made me very stressed on most days. On one of these days, I was super irritable and began transferring aggression to my husband, who was only trying to help me feel better. At that moment, I stepped back and said this out loud for only me to hear, "Chidera, Jason is not the cause of your stress". And as simple as this may sound, it centred me and helped me manage my emotions better🧘🏾♀️. I then explained to my husband that I knew he wasn't the cause of my stress, apologised for being mean, and then accepted his help. I let my head rest on his shoulders and cried a little. I needed to. Bottling it all up, being angry and hurting my husband wasn't and will never be worth it.
Get comfortable receiving
This experience reminds me of something I read in a book. The author said that most women are comfortable with giving but not receiving. We're good at looking out for everyone, giving ourselves, resources and time to the people and causes we care about but struggle to receive. This generalisation may not apply to every woman, but I know it applies to me. And I have become conscious of being more open to receiving - help, love, support and pleasure. And sometimes we don't realise the little areas where being uncomfortable with receiving shows up. For example, my husband offered to massage me after noticing I had complained of back pains, and immediately I said, "No, thank you", and then I remembered what the book said and realised I had said no for no reason at all. I immediately countered my response with a "Yes, please" and allowed myself to receive comfort.
One way to enhance your ability to receive is to take advantage of people's generous offers every day. Give someone the opportunity to support you each day. Instead of giving the usual "no thanks", allow your partner to rub your shoulders, let your friend pay for the meal, ask your children to set the dinner table, allow someone at work to assist you with a task, allow your husband to do the groceries etc. And enjoy it!
That will be all for today. Do have a week filled with receiving help, love, support and pleasure. Drink lots of water
- XOXO, Chidera
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